Of all the sins there is one that has confounded me in my attempts to understand humanity.
Lust.
What is the need for you mammalian creatures to writhe like worms in mulch? Does it give you some kind of psychological advantage over others?
I have researched the biological repercussions of such actions extensively and I have found that the people who engage in such lustful activities often are unable to serve as effective minions for over 9 months, then, they demand extra rations to feed the new minion they have brought into the House of Vorgal!
The gall!
I myself have only experienced this phenomena on one occasion, when I fell into a fermenting barrel of schnapps while on a tour through a distillery I had comandeered to make ethanol for rocket fuel.
I found myself mysteriously attracted to an ugg boot that one of the attending minions was wearing.
I cannot say what it was about it. Normally I would not look twice at an Ugg boot but under the influence of that liquor I found it to be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I may even have told it that it was the most beautiful snorzak in the cosmos.....no, I am not explaining what a snorzak is.
Still utterly discombobulated about this sin. More research is needed. I have ordered my Monkey commandos to capture all schnapps factories on the continent to provide me with stimulus for research
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