Leadership

As I am sure you are aware, not all are fit to lead. Only a very few individuals have the required charisma, intelligence and ruthlessness to successfully lead the population of snivelling turds that surrounds us.

It should come as no surprise that I, Vorgal am fit to lead.

You may ask the question why am I telling you this? What goal is accomplished by telling us the blinding obvious truth, that Vorgal is the rightful supreme commander of everything?

Because sometimes you decide to hold something you call an election, without my consent I might add. In this election you choose what leader you want.

What a quaint notion, actually having a choice.

The only choice is Vorgal and there fore there is no choice, choice is irrelevent because there is only one candidate.

And He knows that he is the only one fit to lead you.

Can you imagine what would happen if someone else were in charge.

"Hmm okay, now we need to do something, err, I'm not sure what so let's have a meeting and talk about it."

GAh! Pointless discussion that could be spent making the buildings I desire to be built, hours spent in chit chat when stone must be quarried and poems describing my greatness need to be penned.

You have a role peons, that role is to serve me, if you do not like it. Bad luck because I Vorgal, elect myself in an electorate of one to be the Democratically voted Supreme Leader for Life!

Fetch me my fluff comb peasants.

Seven Deadly sins: Wrath

Many of my minions believe that this is the sin to which I succumb the most. I however beg to differ.

The amount of rage that I feel when faced with my minions incompetence vastly outweighs the amount of rage that is inflicted upon them and their surroundings.
Ergo, I am not a wrathful Overlord, rather very kind and benevolent.

You are no doubt already aware of my kindly nature as I have provided pillow minions on which you can sit. Ignore the groaning, you are not really fat, the minion just needs to work a bit on his core strength. I hear pilates is good for that.

I think that to allow yourself to fall victim to your wrathful desires is entirely unproductive. A cold calculated plan which increases the strength of your iron grip on an individual, group, or society is much better for all.

For example.

One day I was riding my golden chariot through the local mall, several near mindless shoppers wandered into my path and caused my chariot to jump a little. I of course checked that there was no damage but I was dismayed to see that there was a blood splatter on one of the wheel rims.

Obviously I would have taken the money to clean the wheel from the idiot who had failed to remove herself from my path but she had succumbed to the pressure of a half ton chariot chassis dragging her across 200 metres of tiled floor.

I controlled my temper and only slew half a dozen onlookers with my ray gun before performing an admirable removal of self via stage right.

I waited until the day of the after xmas sales and just as all the peons flooded in the doors to buy a bargain I launched fifteen tactical nuclear missles at it. Destroying everything and everyone within a five mile radius. I then had a Zepplin float over and drop a flyers advertising for my "Become a minion" program. Delightful touch wouldn't you say?

Anyway, ta ta. I'll be in touch.

Seven Deadly Sins: Lust

Of all the sins there is one that has confounded me in my attempts to understand humanity.

Lust.

What is the need for you mammalian creatures to writhe like worms in mulch? Does it give you some kind of psychological advantage over others?
I have researched the biological repercussions of such actions extensively and I have found that the people who engage in such lustful activities often are unable to serve as effective minions for over 9 months, then, they demand extra rations to feed the new minion they have brought into the House of Vorgal!

The gall!

I myself have only experienced this phenomena on one occasion, when I fell into a fermenting barrel of schnapps while on a tour through a distillery I had comandeered to make ethanol for rocket fuel.

I found myself mysteriously attracted to an ugg boot that one of the attending minions was wearing.
I cannot say what it was about it. Normally I would not look twice at an Ugg boot but under the influence of that liquor I found it to be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I may even have told it that it was the most beautiful snorzak in the cosmos.....no, I am not explaining what a snorzak is.

Still utterly discombobulated about this sin. More research is needed. I have ordered my Monkey commandos to capture all schnapps factories on the continent to provide me with stimulus for research